Ashleigh Lindsey's 1st Easter. She was to little to hunt eggs. Big sissy Raechel Burkard was keeping her busy making her laugh while we all got dressed for Church. Very sad because Patience should be this age right now having her first Easter. But at least my faith gives me the knowledge that we will all be together again and this this being apart is only temporary. Happy Easter little Patience, I love you!
I was going thru news links for the website.....which by the way come Sunday will have a new look, thanks to my friend Colleen who has been working hard on it for me........anyway I saw this old news article with Ashleigh's picture on it. I remember how proud of her I was for speaking out. She was always one to champion the weak or the voiceless. She had such a big beautiful heart. It just reminds me how we all can take from her strength now that she is voiceless and speak out to end domestic violence.
Tomorrow will be my first Birthday without you singing to me. I think of your beautiful voice and how much you loved to sing.You always had to sing louder than everyone else whether it was on stage or in the car. Sing loud for me tonight pretty girl! Louder than all the people on earth combined; louder than the Angels in Heaven .....loud enough that Mommy can hear you tonight. Or maybe sing to me in my dreams....It would be the best birthday present ever. I miss you so much! I love you, Ashleigh Marie.....
Finally feeling more like myself after the wedding and the accident. I can not lie, yesterday was really hard to get thru. Last St. Patericks Day, Joshua proposed to Ashleigh while the whole family was together bowling. I came across the pictures I took of them on my phone. It was so hard to look at them both smiling and happy. I kept asking myself, "How....how could he do this to her and himself? How could he leave both families in all this pain? How could he take little Patience life?" I guess it will be a long time before I get those questions answered. Raechel and I talked about what we could have done different that day. What would have happened if we would have expressed our concerns and not pretended and gave our permissions. Hard to live on what if's....especially when it would have changed nothing. What a waist of a beautiful life. I miss her a lot!
I went to bed last night with a vision of you next to me. I slept like a log all night because I felt you were with me. When I awoke this morning to see if it were real or a dream, reality hit me that it was only a dream. I have always been a very strong person but, as you can plainly see, I am hopelessly lost, like a little child that's been alone too long. On occasion, though, I can hear you in the house and, for a moment, like the poet said, "All's right with the world." I haven't thanked you lately for shining that light on my life. Your ghost keeps me company for a few seconds every once in a while. I wake up in the morning, and hear you in the kitchen, or in the shower, or I can smell your perfume, but it's just the ghost again. But I thank God every time I feel it, because when I am apart from my girl, I learn to appreciate the little things we shared, even more than before.You are my sunrise and sunset, every single day. You are my heart and soul--never have I met anyone with your kind spirit and loving heart. I am truly sorry if I have ever let an opportunity slip by without letting you know how special you were. Ashleigh, even though we are apart, my heart is always with you, and we are together. As long as we have the memories, yesterday remains. As long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits us. As long as we love, each day is not a waste, and waiting will prove to be worthwhile.I will love you always. Mommy
Today, Jim took me to the car so we could get mine and Raechel's thing that were in the car out. I was going to take pictures but forgot. I started crying seeing again all the glass, how far the roof came in, the things that should have hit me and never touched me and how close I came to being in a body bag on Raechel's wedding day. Still sore and bruised from the seat belt. My air bags didn't deploy. Thank God because that would have really hurt me. Epsom salts have become my best friend not to mention I have the greatest husband taking care of me. I'm ready for the headache to go away.
This picture of Ashleigh I had made into a key chain. It is my "happy place picture". Every time I look at it I smile. After the wreck when they got the keys out of the car and handed them to me, I noticed my picture was missing. I was very upset about it being gone. Jim said we would find it later in the car. It was not there......found it a little later......it was in my purse. How wonderful is that? I am truly blessed.
Well, Raechel Lindsey Now Burkhard is married and I have a son. Getting a lot of messages so everyone knows yes I'm hurting this morning but it is not bad. Very grateful to be here today.
For those who don't know on the way to the wedding I lost control of my car on the gravel road about a mile away from the wedding. The car spun out about 4 times around, hit an embankment and the car rolled twice landing upside down. But I was able to get out......no major injuries. I hit my head and my knee and hurt. Today my shoulder, from the seat belt, and my hip hurt. My toes are bruised on one foot. I guess I jammed them. It is the foot that my shoe came off in the roll when my knee hit the dash.
I really don't know how I walked away with so little injuries once I saw the car. All but one window busted out and the roof collapsed down everywhere but around me. Which I don't understand because my side hit the most. But I know God protected me. When the car flipped I turned and looked at the passenger seat and I saw Ashleigh Lindsey. I know that sounds crazy but I did......in that moment she was with me. Jim said the driver floor mat got thrown out on the driver side door. I never saw it. It never touched me. I came forward enough and the roof just around the windshield came in that all I saw was glass all around me. My on the back, upper leftside hit the vizier. I believe if I wouldn't have turned my head toward Ashleigh at that moment I would have hit the windshield face first. An ambulance came and they checked me out. I gave everyone a good scare. I scared myself as well. But I got to the wedding and everything was beyond beautiful. My daughter was so happy.
This is a chronicle of the grieving process at the murder of my daughter, Ashleigh Marie Lindsey and her unborn Baby Patience Lynn. They call the parentless child an orphan & the married person who loses their mate a widow/widower but what do they call a parent who loses a child? There is no word given for the parent who have seen this kind of untimely death.
Website by Ashleigh's Patience Project