Today is my oldest daughter Raechel's Birthday. It is hard not to think of Ashleigh today. On Raechel's 2nd birthday I discovered I was pregnant with Ashleigh and I will never forget the joy on Raechel's face when I told her that Mommy wasgoing to have a baby. She insisted it would be a girl and she would look just like her. Raechel was right. Then 2 years ago on this day we discovered Ashleigh was pregnant with Patience
Lynn. This day is just full of wonderful memories that will forever be in are hearts with joy. I miss you Ashleigh & Patience. I will never forget the love you brought me on this day as well as the joy of Raechel's birth.
I found this picture of Ashleigh with the Easter Bunny. She was of the opinion that you were never to old for pictures with the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus. This was a special present she gave me that year. I didn't know she had done it bec...ause she was with her Dad. They were out shopping for that pink cowboy hat she was wearing in the photo. She had to have it...was dying for her Dad to get her one. We miss you so much this Easter, Ashleigh.....you and little Patience.
I debated whether or not to tell this weeks event because I know some people don't believe like I do.....but then I got to thinking.....since when did I care. Someone I think needs to hear this story so, this is for you.
I was never a believer in signs from loved ones that had passed away till Ashleigh died but I've had to many and some are to big to ignore. I have learned what to recognize as her and what is my brain saying, "hey, I miss her!" You have to go thru this kind ...of thing to understand. Anyway I've been watching Laney this week while my daughter, Raechel has gone back too work. It has been the best thing. But in the same sense the worst. I can see little Patience who should be a year old, toddling around me as well. It has made me keenly aware of EVERYTHING I am missing out. At night I cried myself to sleep more than once and sometimes got no sleep at all. Grief is a funny thing because you just never know what will get to you. Didn't expect my time with my darling Laney to stir it up but at the same time it had to happen. I have learned somethings you just have to go thru to heal. Burying them and ignoring them never helped anyone, especially me. So, I grieve for Patience and time will help me adjust. Meanwhile, Laney is so wonderful, and fun. She has brought such a joy to my life that I will give up for no one.
Anyway, back to my experiences with signs from Ashleigh. The other day I had one. I had picked up Laney and was carrying her in her car seat into the house. Well she got heavy and my purse was sliding off my shoulder so, I stopped and put her down just before walking up the stairs to my porch. Then I heard right next to my ear this buzzing sound. I thought....oh great a wasp or something was going to get me but when I turned my head it was a hummingbird. It was not six inches from my face. I looked down at Laney and there was a second hummingbird buzzing her not 6 inches from her face. I stood real still and they hovered right there for at least a minute and then flew away playing with one another. I picked up Laney and she was just grinning from ear to ear, just a little giggle from her as well. I told her......I think Aunt Ashleigh and Patience just paid us a visit. It is something I will never forget.
Now, I don't have any hummingbird feeders. I do have a few flowers planted. Even so, how many people get to experience that? So, this Easter Holiday hug your loved ones and remember that they are irreplaceable.
Why do these things happen? Well, I believe Ashleigh and Patience just can't stand to see me that sad. So, they send me signs of their love. Everytime my grief gets really intense and deep something happens to let me know they live on. I see the hummingbirds that visited as a symbol of love, joy, and beauty. My daughter gave off these same qualities because of her close walk with Jesus. The hummingbird is also able to fly backwards, teaching us that we can look back on our past, but this bird also teaches that we must not dwell on our past.....we need to move forward.
As the Apostle Paul said in the Book of Philippians, “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” When the hummingbird hovers over flowers while drinking nectar, we learn that we should savor each moment, and appreciate the things we love. in the South American Andes the hummingbird is considered a symbol of resurrection. It seems to die on cold nights, but comes back to life again at sunrise. When Jesus went to the tomb of Lazarus, he said, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” I DO......I believe these unusual signs after Ashleigh and Patience's passing couldn't simply be by chance. I am at peace that their spirits lives on.
Today is my Sister, Tami and her husband Ben's 20th Wedding Anniversary. She posted the beautiful memories on Facebook this morning. This one made me smile. The little girl is Ashleigh. The boy she is with is our youngest brother Aaron. The...y were both only 2 years old. From this day on my family will never forget Ashleigh being told Ben was now her Uncle and Ashleigh's now favorite response that was a running joke in our family still to this day......."Hey Uncle Ben, where is your rice?" I can still hear here voice asking. We miss you Ashleigh!
This is a chronicle of the grieving process at the murder of my daughter, Ashleigh Marie Lindsey and her unborn Baby Patience Lynn. They call the parentless child an orphan & the married person who loses their mate a widow/widower but what do they call a parent who loses a child? There is no word given for the parent who have seen this kind of untimely death.