I have been stuggling a lot lately comprehending that in 2 weeks it will be a year since my beautiful Ashleigh was murdered. I'm still not sure what to do that day to honor her memory. Personally, I more and more just want to spend July 13th in bed with the covers pulled over my head. 
I came home from church and spent some time in her room. I don't know why but I ended up picking up her Bible and flipping thru the pages. I learned somethings about my daughter and her heart amongst the passages that she had underlined and highlighted. These really meant something to her heart and spoke to her. Some of the passages surprised me, and others I knew she loved and still others made me cry. Cry with tears wrapped in joy that only Ashleigh could bring. 
So, I decided that over the next 2 weeks I would post a new unposted picture of Ashleigh and one of her highlighted Bible verses each day. Today will be the shortest one since this post is already getting long. I think she would really like that.......I miss her so much!

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:5
 

Because of the 4th of July coming up soon they keep playing on the radio, Firework by Katy Perry. The first time I heard it on the radio I was in the car with Ashleigh. She always had to have music playing. She was constantly breaking out into songs and laughter. Anyway, we heard the song and I told her that if I could write her a song that would be how I felt about her. After that whenever we would hear it playing we would sing it as loud as we could. If it came on and the other wasn't there we would text the words to each other. We did that often with songs. I consider it one of her songs. Now when I hear it playing, whether in the car or at a store, I cry everytime. But I force myself to sing it and then my tears mix with laughter and joy of the tremendous memory she was given me. I can see her next to me singing and dancing, doing goofy things to make you smile as only Ashleigh could. She was the Fireworks and she stole the Show........I miss you Ashleigh.....

The story behind this picture.......everyone who knew Ashleigh knows she was ALWAYS blowing kisses, drew a heart with her fingers and then point to you thru it to say she loved you, or she would make the heart with her hands and yell,"I Love You!!!" I miss all those little things she would do because it cemented all that knew her in their hearts.
Break The Silence Against Domestic Violence designed their knew tank tops with the purple hands making a heart. I had to have it.......brought tears when it came in the mail. Kristen, you had no idea what this shirt means to me. I hope everyone who reads this or bought one, thinks of this has a symbol of my Ashleigh's heart. We can help others realize they are special and speak out with support for us who lived it. Love y'all!!!
 

Ashleigh's roommate Heather sent me this picture with this message....
The night Ashleigh came to live with me, we went to the Sandbass Festival and she wanted to ride the Ferriswheel. I took this picture of her. It was also the night she got her Cowgirl Up bracelet. This was a special moment for me. It started a friendship brought together by God. She inspired me then and now. I am here for you, Tara! 
Thank you Heather for letting me share this picture and message. Saturday, June 8th at 9am at the stage at the Sandbass Festival in Madill, OK.....I will be speaking about Bullying and Domestic Violence and of Ashleigh and Patience. This Event is special because it marks a year Anniversary of her leaving the abuse......I invite everyone who can go attend...bring your friends...hopefully I will see you Saturday morning.

A little while ago Jim called me. He is driving in New Mexico, working. He got pulled into a DOT inspection station. The Dot officer saw he In Loving Memory of Ashleigh Lindsey magnet on the side of his truck.
He asked Jim,"Who was she to you?"
Jim said," My daughter."
The Dot officer then said, "She is the one with the RIP page that has the Ashleigh's Patience Project, Right?"
of coarse Jim answered,"yes"
Then he told Jim how he had a daughter that had been in an abusive relationship for 5 years. After seeing Ashleigh's page she finally left him and is now hiding in safety. Isn't that Incredible!
Ashleigh, baby you are still changing lives. I love and miss you so much. Thank you Lord for letting me hear this right now when I needed it most. Things like this is why I share her story.

I find myself this week daily fighting to not uncontrollably cry or to feel this overwhelming panic every time the phone rings. This week began the daily horror that lead up to Ashleigh's murder. Each day I struggle not to replay that exact day from last year over in my head. And I'm afraid everyday will be like that till July 13th comes. So, today this very moment I've decided to stop fighting my emotions and just let it all out. Everyday between now and July 13th maybe painful to endure and I maybe what people will deem over emotional but at least I will feel. At least I have loved someone worth those feelings and God has never left my side to comfort me. Ashleigh is always with me in my heart. I think letting it out and to just rage and cry made it easier to see how many blessings still surround me and my family.

My daughter Raechel and I had a very emotional hour filled with tears. I was watching one of my favorite shows that Ashleigh got me watching......anyway the ending was so unexpected. A pregnant women got stabbed in the belly and I just lost it. So many memories of Ashleigh washed over me in a second and I just cried. It didn't help that one year ago today Joshua beat her and kicked her in the stomach and then tied her up. It was on my mind all day and I couldn't shake it. Then my phone rang and it was Raechel crying. She had watched the show and it triggered the same thing in her. I felt less crazy by her call. We cried and talked till we laughed about Ashleigh. Funny the things that will trigger the pain in your heart. Thankfully, Raechel and I had each other tonight.