Stolen Generations Blog (Journey for grieving mothers)

Looking at Your Picture Everyday

8/30/2012

I look at your picture every day and see your beautiful face looking back at me and it makes my heart smile.
I miss you so and cannot wait for the day when I can hold you in my arms.
The day you left has been my saddest and I have been counting the days until we can be together again.
I am growing flowers in my garden and as they bloom it reminds me of how our love grew. From just one tiny seed ...into the very beautiful blossom had become you.
I dream of your perfect face each and every night and of your tender kisses and warm embraces.
The ones only a tender little girl could give to her mommy.
You were so much fun and I am afraid I will have to learn how to live and have fun again.
I am so grateful you came into my life for without you, my life would have been empty of all inspiration.
There would have been no work of art for me to gaze at in your face, no person of greatness before me deep in your soul, no timeless melody to listen to because of your voice.
Without you life would have existed in shades of gray instead of vibrant colors, and I will be less than whole.
Even then a piece of me has gone with you and will not return till we are together again.
I'm laying here in the dark alone, with images of you in my mind.
Your warmth, kindness, laughter and the long talks we would have together.
I wonder where you are, what you are doing now that you are not with me.
Are you thinking of me, are you wondering the same? I can't go through a day without talking to you.
I pretend that I'm touching your face with my hand or stoking your hair like when you were sick to make it all better.
My head tells me God has you safe and happy but my heart still tells me that you need me for comfort.
I still see my little girl needing her mothers love to wipe it all away but truth is your mother is the one in pain and not you.
So, I have to put it in yours and God's hands now to help me make it thru the day and especially the nights.
Don't worry, I promised it was ok to go and that I would be alright. I meant it darling daughter.
I just didn't say how hard it was going to be without you everyday.
I love you Ashleigh, with everything I have in my heart.
Mommy

0 Comments

Domestic Violence Facts

8/24/2012

0 Comments

Domestic Violence
One in three women is victimized by domestic violence at some point in her life.
An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.
85% of domestic violence victims are women.
Only one in five victims with physical injuries seeks medical treatment.
Only about half of domestic violence incidents are reported to police.
Almost all of ...the perpetrators of domestic violence say that they will stop. But most don't. The violence usually gets worse.
All women who are victims of domestic violence are at risk of being murdered by their abusers.
And one out of every four women who are the victims of domestic violence attempt suicide.
240,000 pregnant women are subject to domestic violence
40% of assaults begin during the first pregnancy
Pregnant women are twice the risk of battery
Homicide was found to be the leading cause of death for pregnant women
81% of women stalked by a current or former intimate partner are also physically assaulted by that partner; 31% are also sexually assaulted by that partner.
The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental health services.

Domestic violence is always wrong, and it is a crime.
And there is never an excuse for domestic violence. Never.
All perpetrators of domestic violence are cowards and criminals.
The women who are victimized by these heinous crimes feel trapped and confused. The abuser not only physically attacks the woman, but also psychologically attacks her. The verbal attacks are meant to control the victim, and to try to strip her of her self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love. The perpetrator also often wants the woman to believe that she is at fault for the violence and the verbal abuse.
Many domestic violence victims try to change their behavior (even though they are not doing anything wrong) because the horrible attacks leave them hopeless, helpless, and confused. But there really is nothing that the victims can do to stop the violence, because they are dealing with a selfish, cruel criminal who does not have a conscience. All of the blame is on the criminal--the cowardly perpetrator of the domestic violence--not on the victim.
The horrible crime of domestic violence often results in a woman isolating herself and becoming clinically depressed.
Reform is needed in our laws to protect victims. Sign a petition (for those who have already Thank You) contact a Congressman, or Senator (after all they work for us) express concern with the media ( write a letter or email). Not everyone can volunteer a day to help victims but most of us can easily do these other things to make a change.
My daughter was my heart and soul. That baby was to be a blessing. Without change their lives were just tragic. Let's not forget Life has meaning!

If you are a victim of domestic violence, please get help immediately.

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at
1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)
TDD - 1-800-787-3224

The best way to end domestic violence is to leave the criminal abuser.
Go to a shelter if you need to.
Stay with family if you need to.
Stay with friends if you need to.
But please get help immediately, and please protect yourself and your children (if you have any).

Please get help now.
Remember that there is never an excuse for domestic violence. Never.
You deserve a better life.
You are a great person.
Take care of yourself.
God bless you and keep you safe!
Tara Woodlee (Ashleigh's Mom)

0 Comments

My Forever Girl (1 Month After Passing Away)

8/13/2012

0 Comments

To my beautiful daughter, Ashleigh...........
Love at first heartbeat.
Years ago, as I reclined comfortably on an examination room table, an attendant jellied my belly with sonogram goo and, within a few seconds, I heard a sound I... would never forget for the rest of my life: your rapid, sparrow-small heartbeat.
Even though the heartbeat was strangely distorted in it's muffled amplification, all I heard was life -- precious, vital life. There was life inside me -- a heart beating inside my womb! It was so hard to believe a human being's heart could beat that fast, but, then again, you were no bigger than a hummingbird at the time. Yet, there you were, alive, inside my body, making your presence known. You were undeniable.
When I first heard this manic, throttling little drum, I immediately and instinctively understood the power it would forever have over me, and I knew, also, that you would look to me as its source. Accepting this grand responsibility came as natural to me as breathing, and, before you were even born, I had already fallen deeply, unshakably in love with you.
I recognized the racing beat of your heart as the sound of love itself. And, at that moment, I knew you were my one true love, my forever girl.
Months later, as I screamed and screeched you into this world, all the blinding pain that accompanied your birth was silenced the moment I saw your face.
Something dramatic was going on in that hospital room -- a big fuss was being made with doctors. There was craziness and faces were covered by blue masks. But you and I were already in our own little world. Nobody could touch us, nobody could enter.
Something intensely awesome had just occurred, something -- miraculous. We experienced a frozen moment in suspended animation: I touched you, you felt my touch and we both knew all the drama of the world would forever melt away in the bliss of this true love. You had the prettiest little face I had ever seen. My forever girl.
I held you so tightly -- and didn't loosen my grip for years. I walked with you strapped to my body my back aching, my nose eternally sniffing the top of your sweet head. I'd know that smell blindfolded, even today.
As I watched you grow, my heart expanded with each new step you took. And every time you fell, I felt the pain in ways only a mother can understand.
Then, of course, there was that awful day, Friday the 13th. They told me you were going to die and all I could think of was, "No! My baby. She's only 20 years old!"
In Plano Medical Center that horrible night, I held your hand as the tubes went in and out of your frail little body. You endured test after test, and I sat there, hiding the reservoir of tears behind my nervous fingers. Your beautiful, sweet face soaked in blood from the gun shot wound to the head forever ruined...
BUT YOU WERE SO STRONG! My forever girl.

Still, my poor little baby how could this happen? You fighting for the life of the little baby inside you, and I thought there was nothing you couldn't conquer. Slowly I watched as your babies heartbeat diminished. The sound of love slowly dying. My heart sank watching your babies passing.
My thoughts were of all you and that baby would miss together in life. Things I had with you. You learned to read, write, act and dance. You thought deep thoughts, loved music, challenge me daily and surprise me constantly.
When you where at school, I delighted in your independence. And, when I pick you up each afternoon, the second you parked that 12-year-old body in the passenger seat next to me, everything in my life suddenly becomes better. You were a survivor! You were loved!
My youngest child. You're just a few months away from being 21, but, still, I never pass up an opportunity to check in on you as you sleep. Your face? Purity. Your breath is all the peace I will ever need in this world. My forever girl.
I whispered in your ear after your baby passed and told you it was ok to go. I loved you with all my heart. I was proud to be your Mommy.
You moved on, like the radiant pulse of energy and love that you've always been.
You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me! Your life has given me something I will never, ever lose. You've brought love into my life, a love that will never fade. You really are my true love, and, after all, isn't that what Being a Mother and Daughter is all about?
Every day now my heart walks around outside my body, but I know this...
Just like Christopher Robin said to Winnie the Pooh, a story you constantly had me read-
"If ever there is a tomorrow when we are not together ...There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I will always be with you."
I know this is true! My forever girl. Love forever and always, Mommy

0 Comments

Looking at Your Picture Everyday

Domestic Violence Facts

My Forever Girl (1 Month After Passing Away)

Tara Woodlee

Archives

Categories