Found this in my cell phone today. Forgotten I had this....Ashleigh Lindsey Dancing to a Wii game with all her little cousins. This is the last Thanksgiving we shared together, in 2011. I laughed and cried seeing this today. Lord God how I miss her! I know it is not good quality but still........Isnt she just beautiful? Inside and out, she was amazing!

I was at Hope Rising's membership meeting tonight. I got to meet lots of wonderful people. I drove home with the top down on my convertible. I love driving at night and seeing all the stars. Anytime I come home from speaking or training etc...... I ask my Ashleigh, " so what do you think? Did mama do good? I hope you are proud of me." Every time I get these little signs from her that let me know that she was there with me. I know some people don't believe in that sort of thing but I've seen some that are anywhere from very big to little small ones. It has made me a believer. Anyway, I pulled up home to the Nickleback song, If Everyone Cared. That is a special song for me and Ashleigh. I pulled up to the house, sitting to hear all of the song before I but the top up and killed the cared. And guess what? I look up to the sky and there is a big bright Shooting Star. And right at the place the words in the picture were playing. There she was.....my Ashleigh and her sign for me saying, I Love You Mom! I miss and love you too, baby.

I was looking thru pictures of Ashleigh and thinking about some stuff for her website. I came across this photo of her in the mirror. I was thinking, "that goofy girl. You were always taking the funniest pictures of yourself in that mirror." Of coarse, I wish that I still had that mirror....for those of you who were not on her page back then, on Christmas Day the mirror fell off the wall and broke. I took it as a sign from her. Anyways, what got to me tonight is while I was looking at this on the computer it shows the date taken. It wont show up here but it shows it was taken, Friday, July 13, 2007 at 5:34pm. That was 5 years exactly earilier to the day, date and time Joshua shot her and Ashleigh's Dad and I arrived at the hospital. She died that night. Friday the 13th even......every minute of that night is still in slow motion in my head. This is every mother's nightmare come true.
Today, have been 400 days since Ashleigh Lindsey and Patience Lynn were murdered and Chad Page. In that time another 400 men (1 a day) have died and another 1200 women (3 a day) due to Domestic Violence in the USA. This is not how life should end! Beaten, Terrorized, and Killed by the very people who claimed to LOVE you. 
Please, if you are in a violent relationship I pray that you realize you are worth so much more. Go to a friend, your family, a Shelter and be safe. Dont make your family endure the nightmare that we deal with daily. If your family and friend is being abused do what you can to help. Call your local hotline, and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
DO IT NOW!
 

I picked up my custom done shoes today and they are just so Amazing! Almost to pretty to wear but I'm going to for special Domestic Violence Events. Ashleigh would love them so much she would have tried to taken them from me. She had wider feet than mine and Raechel as well. She would stretch out our shoes and we would end up just giving them to her. We always wondered if she did that on purpose.....lol

I just love this picture. One of the other moms from my grieving mothers groups made it for me. That makes it extra special. My church has been having a Revival all this week and I have been there every night. It has helped to raise my spirit and feel more focused. Bro. Jeff Johnson was talking to me last night. We talked about how the pain of losing Ashleigh will just never go away. Also, about what a special type of ministry this has become for me and Jim. I never believed anything good could come out of such evil but Ashleigh always believed that way. That good would always triumph. I believe that is why her memory and legacy has touched many others so that good can triumph. 
We also talked about Coping.....he said that he was once asked to define Coping. This was his definition....I'm doing a little better today than I was yesterday.....wow, that is so true! They are days that are a million steps backwards but then you just end up starting again, Coping. Then we sang during the services last night and one of the hymns was Because He Lives. This is one of the verses and chorus..
And then one day
I'll cross that river
I'll fight life's final war with pain
And then as death gives way to vict'ry
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know he lives
Because He lives I can face tomorrow
Because He lives all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives

While I was singing, I realized because he lives, Ashleigh lives. Isn't that beautiful? I want her here so much and it is extremely painful to be without her. But because he lives my future is with her and with Patience. Doesn't that make life worth the living? I think so.....

Today, I openly cried in church. That hasn't happened the last few months but today was different. We had a special speaker for a revival week that started this Sunday. He used an illustration that got to me. I don't think Bro. Jeff Johnson will care that I am sharing it so....
He talked about how he and his wife would visit friends when his kids were little. When it got late they would lay the girls down in a bedroom and they would go to sleep. When him and his wife were ready to go home he would pick up the girls put them in the car, drive home and put them to bed. The next morning one of his daughters asked how she got home. She didn't know or remember how she had gotten home or in bed. He told her, "you had fallen asleep in a place that was not home, I picked you up, and carried you home." He used that to relate our time here is not home, really. How when we die God takes us to our eternal home. 
It got to me and I cried. I could see my Ashleigh in his illustration and I have not waivered in belief that she is truly eternal, home and safe. I miss her so much. But my work here isn't done but when it is I am more than ready to sleep and be carried home.