In two days we go back to court to hear Joshua Scott plea guilty to all charges in the deaths of Ashleigh, Patience & Chad. I pray he will not change his mind. I'm trying not to have my hopes up for an end to this part of the tragedy only to have it taken away at the last minute. The range of emotions I feel is unexplainable. It’s true what they say. The pain of losing a child is a hurt like no other. A little over One year later, I’ve yet to find the words to convey the enormity of the gaping, ragged hole that tore open inside of me when my child breathed her last. Since Ashleigh died, I have sometimes thought that I, too might simply stop breathing – that one day, with no warning, my heart might just stop beating and I’d keel over and that would be that. Because how can I be in this world without my daughter? How is that even possible? I don’t know yet. I’m not even close to figuring out how to be me without also being Ashleigh's mommy. I am not the same person I was before my daughter died. I am fundamentally different, and I know I always will be. No matter what’s going on around me, or how much joy I feel in my other child, or in my husband, family or friends, I now carry a tight, jagged coil of hurt inside of me all the time, and it’s hard to imagine that anything will ever make the raw void that I now feel any better.
Joshua Scott excepting life in prison will not bring back my Ashleigh and her baby. Seeking the death penalty won't bring them back either. The last few days I've become keenly aware that for so many during the next month after sentencing is over, there will be a type of closure for them and not for me. It is the nightmare I will never wake up from all of my living days. Without my belief that I will be with my daughter again nothing would make me get out of bed to function. Only God can give me back what I have lost. Not a guilty plea, not another's life and not the courts. I just don't feel the comfort I thought I would gain by the end of the trial. I miss you Ashleigh, now more than ever!
 

Part of Ashleigh's story featured on a Blog.....feel free to real and share. No one should have to live let alone die this way. Ashleigh was a great girl and would have been a good mom if give the chance. We miss her dearly! Please, educate you daughters, friends, sisters, ect....Abuse in a relationship is wrong and there is help. 

Today I marched around the Oklahoma State Capital carrying a cut out that represent victims of domestic homicides in that state. It is called the Silent Witness. I did this march wearing my Ashleigh's purple sneakers. I am proud to be her mother, walk in her steps and be her voice so people and lawmakers can see how tragedy really effects us as a whole. I love my girls and they won't be forgotten.
Me with Ashleigh and Patience at the Silent Witness March on the OK Capital. — with Ashleigh Lindsey.

Tomorrow is a big day for the family and friends of Ashleigh Lindsey. The morning will have family members who will be walking in a Domestic Violence fundraiser for a shelter, the afternoon will be full of interviews for the documentary, the evening will be a candlelight vigil in Ashleigh's hometown to honor her and so many other victims. Even if you can't participate in any of these events we are asking for your prayers and a show of support by wearing purple tomorrow. Purple is not only the color representing domestic violence awareness but it was Ashleigh's color. From the majority of her clothes, to the color on her walls in her bedroom, to her dark purple bedding, even her high schools colors in which their mascot is called The Purple Warriors and even her purple cross, our Ashleigh loved the color. God Bless everyone for your love and support. Tara