Feeling Purple Tonight

Two years ago today was Ashleigh's funeral. Her coffin was this beautiful lavender color that faded into a light gray at the corner edges. The flowers were purple....beautiful lavender roses and purple orchards(they were her favorite). Everyone wore purple or a purple ribbon in her honor and as a message against the abuse she had suffered. 

A month before she died, after the funeral of her great grandma, she told me she knew Joshua was going to kill her. She insisted on telling me exactly how she wanted her funeral. She picked the pastor, the ex-teacher/2nd dad to do the eulogy, the music.......everything. Somethings that I promised I had to change...she wanted her sister to sing. Raechel just couldn't under the circumstances so, we found a song recorded that Ashleigh and Raechel sang together for me on Mother's Day as present. At the end of that recording is my Ashleigh saying, "I love you, Mommy." It is my most cherished thing above everything I have. I can play it and hear her sweat voice anytime I want. The feeling of watching her rolled down the isle at put into the hurst broke me in two. Tonight I will go to sleep playing "I love you, Mommy" till I finally pass out probably in her purple room. So if purple was a feeling then that is the color I feel tonight.