One year ago today I lost the one person that I felt closest to in this world. Ashleigh was my heart and soul. I kept asking myself today, "how do you move on from the murder of a child?" I dont know how......I spent most of my day as what I would describe as empty and numb. I caught myself each hour doing a countdown. 12:35 pm was the last time I heard her voice say, "I love you Mommy!" 1:46pm Joshua shot her. 5:35 the doctors said she was no longer responsive. 6:23pm she ha...d to be resuscitated. 7:10pm the OB said the babies hearts ate was failing. 8:30pm they talked to us about organ donation. 10:10pm they declared her brain dead. 11:45pm I watched my granddaughter, Patience's final heartbeat on the sonogram, then I let Ashleigh go and kissed her goodbye and just before midnight her heart stopped. I remember that all I felt then to was numb and empty.
As I struggled with all this, I realized I'm not in the same place I was a year ago. A big piece of me went with my Daughter And her baby girl but today I'm not as empty as I was that day. people who feel empty have no idea what is supposed to be in that empty space. That is not me......
Since I started this battle against the Domestic violence that took my child, I've worked with people who have everything they believed would fill them up and they still feel empty. They seek my help because they are suffering and they don't know what to do about it. Inner emptiness does not come from a lack of something external -- not even a lack of being loved by someone else. It comes from a lack of one thing only: a lack of awareness of the love that is the energy we live in. I call this love God. The fact is, we live in a universe of love, and unless you know how to open yourself to that love -- to feel it within your heart and soul -- you will feel empty inside. Once you know how to embrace the love within, then you not only feel full inside, but you know that you are not alone in the universe -- that love is always here for you. And once you experience yourself full to overflowing with love, you will have love to share with others. You no longer need to try so hard to get love from others. You are no longer empty and needy for something external to fill your emptiness and make you feel okay.
What is The Secret to Filling Yourself With Love? The love that fills us is always available to each of us -- if we know how to access it.Love automatically flows through an open heart. The heart is like a doorway to the universe -- to God, when it is open, love flows into and through us.The secret to having an open heart and being filled up with love lies with your intent. Love cannot be felt with a closed heart.When you choose the intent to learn about loving yourself, the heart automatically opens. When you want responsibility for defining your own worth, for creating your own sense of safety, and for taking loving action in your own behalf, the heart opens and the energy of love that is spirit flows freely, replacing the empty feeling with the fullness of love.
Ashleigh Marie Lindsey had this fullness of love in her heart. Yes, a part of me is gone but today my heart is full. She is happy, in no more pain, waiting for us all to happily join her again. Ashleigh would want us all even in the midst of all this pain that we feel at not having her here today to feel in our hearts the fullness of this love, God's love. So in her beautiful memory, today the one year Anniversary of her passing, I planted 12 purple Iris's over her grave. One for each month she has been gone and planted 1 pink peony for my little Patience Lynn and I share with you all the fullness of Ashleigh's Love.
God Bless
Tara
As I struggled with all this, I realized I'm not in the same place I was a year ago. A big piece of me went with my Daughter And her baby girl but today I'm not as empty as I was that day. people who feel empty have no idea what is supposed to be in that empty space. That is not me......
Since I started this battle against the Domestic violence that took my child, I've worked with people who have everything they believed would fill them up and they still feel empty. They seek my help because they are suffering and they don't know what to do about it. Inner emptiness does not come from a lack of something external -- not even a lack of being loved by someone else. It comes from a lack of one thing only: a lack of awareness of the love that is the energy we live in. I call this love God. The fact is, we live in a universe of love, and unless you know how to open yourself to that love -- to feel it within your heart and soul -- you will feel empty inside. Once you know how to embrace the love within, then you not only feel full inside, but you know that you are not alone in the universe -- that love is always here for you. And once you experience yourself full to overflowing with love, you will have love to share with others. You no longer need to try so hard to get love from others. You are no longer empty and needy for something external to fill your emptiness and make you feel okay.
What is The Secret to Filling Yourself With Love? The love that fills us is always available to each of us -- if we know how to access it.Love automatically flows through an open heart. The heart is like a doorway to the universe -- to God, when it is open, love flows into and through us.The secret to having an open heart and being filled up with love lies with your intent. Love cannot be felt with a closed heart.When you choose the intent to learn about loving yourself, the heart automatically opens. When you want responsibility for defining your own worth, for creating your own sense of safety, and for taking loving action in your own behalf, the heart opens and the energy of love that is spirit flows freely, replacing the empty feeling with the fullness of love.
Ashleigh Marie Lindsey had this fullness of love in her heart. Yes, a part of me is gone but today my heart is full. She is happy, in no more pain, waiting for us all to happily join her again. Ashleigh would want us all even in the midst of all this pain that we feel at not having her here today to feel in our hearts the fullness of this love, God's love. So in her beautiful memory, today the one year Anniversary of her passing, I planted 12 purple Iris's over her grave. One for each month she has been gone and planted 1 pink peony for my little Patience Lynn and I share with you all the fullness of Ashleigh's Love.
God Bless
Tara
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