As you can imagine some days are better than others. Sometimes it's just moment by moment when you have lost a child. The last few days I've had some tremendous ups. Some really great things going on with the Ashleigh's Patience Project. And I've enjoyed the last two days that I spent with my daughter and my granddaughter. But as always my mind is never far away from Ashleigh and from Patience. Today, in doing the constant work of gathering information for the documentary I have received pictures of Ashleigh when she was in the hospital. Even though you've been through it, every minute, next to her, holding her hand while she even passed away and that mental image just never leaves your head when you're the mother of the child that has been murdered.........you just never get used to seeing the utter ruin of the most beautiful thing that was ever created by you. And I see in the news every night, every day on Facebook, a murder victim of someone else's hate and I wonder how can people be so cruel? No not cruel, EVIL!!!!! For people to be so evil, that their moment of a total explosion of hate, that they take it out on someone that they claimed at one point to love. They just kill regardless of how many other people out there who really love this person and depend upon them and they just take that life without thought...... so carelessly. I cannot explain to you how devastating every moment of every day is, even through happy times do come, there are moments where you feel guilty for being happy because there's always an underlying sense of this part of you that is missing. This person who is missing from every family function. You can no longer pick up the phone and just call at a moments notice. The person who's been, in every way, was the best part of you. I know lots of people do not understand why I put myself through all this...... in their opinions I should just let it go but it never goes away. So in my mind and my heart I must stand up against evil. Evil may have taken my daughter but, it didn't triumph over her legacy or her memory for us as a family. I have no doubt one day, my family will be whole and together again and in a place where evil cannot touch us. But until then, During my time here I'm choosing...... I'm choosing to speak out. I'm choosing to say no more! I'm choosing to make a difference so that one more mother and one more daughter, one more granddaughter hopefully will never have to suffer. For every one of us who had to suffer that day in the hospital, search for a place just to touch Ashleigh that wasn't covered in blood, to say our goodbyes, I will take a stand. I will never see that happened to an another family if I can in my lifetime. this is what Ashleigh would have me do as the mother she knows and loves. This is how I honor her everyday but especially this Day of Remembrance.
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