Ashleigh, it has been 7 months since I saw you last and I miss you with all my heart and soul. Many people are moving on with their lives which is the way life is and should be. My path is a little different and some people understand, others don't. That is ok as well. I don't completely understand what things God has in the future for me but I know as your Mother, I can never give up. Ive been told that a lot lately......to give up because Domestic Violence will never end. Or that I should leave the police, DA and courts to handle justice.....that laws will never change. So, I looked up the definition of "give up" and this is what I found......Noun 1. giving up - a verbal act of admitting defeat, yielding, surrenderrelinquishing, relinquishment - a verbal act of renouncing a claim or right or position etc.2. giving up - the act of forsaking, forsaking, forgoing, forswearing, renunciation - the act of renouncing; sacrificing or giving up or surrendering (a possession or right or title or privilege etc.)It is no wonder I strain with the whole concept of "giving up". As you know it is not in me to admit defeat and I would not forsake you. What is worse it is against everything I taught you as a parent. At some point in the various journeys we embark on in our lives, we get to a part where we feel like giving up. Sometimes we give up before we even start and other times we give up just before we are about to make that huge break-through that we have been putting so much effort in to achieve. The only valid excuse I have to give up is if I am dead. As long as I'm alive and healthy and free, I have the choice to keep trying until I finally succeed.I still remember telling you and your sister so many times things like......The chance of mastering something the first time you do it is almost non-existent. Everything takes time to learn and you will make mistakes. Learn from them. Every time you get knocked down, get back up. You are stronger than you think. One little setback is not enough to stop you from achieving your goals. Neither are 10 or 100 or 1000 setbacks. You don’t want to be known as someone that is weak and gives up. Go out there and prove yourself to the world and to yourself. You CAN and WILL achieve what I set out to do. The only time you fail is if You give up. Don’t sell yourself short. In life there are going to be many people who will try to bring you down and tell you what you want to achieve is not possible. Don’t let anyone destroy your dreams. Etc... My PawPaw taught me those life lessons that I in turn passed on to you. And I told you to let the people you love and who mean the world to you be your inspiration to persist and persevere. And that when you achieve whatever you set out to achieve you can use your success to make a difference to the world or other peoples lives. Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have success. Keep that mindset and never give up until you reach your destination! Be an inspiration to others by refusing to give up. Who knows what someone else can achieve because you never gave up and in turn inspired them not to give up. These things I said before Josh took your life to try to help keep you going.Let me, let you in on a little secret my darling daughter. During all the madness and fear I was inspired by you strength. I still see you wearing your little bracelet on your wrist. The one you bought the day you left Josh. It said, "Cowgirl Up" and you wore it as a reminder to stay strong. Even as the world was falling apart around us, your little body would not give up for the love of your little Patience. You held out for her....and Never Gave Up! I do not see you as giving up by leaving after I told you that Patience was gone. I know you fought to the end and went to be with her. She needed you more than I did anyway. The doctors would have pulled you off the machine within that hour anyhow. No....you went on your own terms which is how you lived your life. I'm proud of you!I believe that of all the women put in this world, that is why I was meant to be your Mommy. Just like you never gave up on Patience, I can never give up on you. I will seek justice and if that means fighting laws till I'm blue in the face, so be it. I will fight for your rights and be your voice when all others are silent. I will tell your story to save others just as you have asked me to in my dreams. And the only thing I will surrender to is God's will for he is my strength during this journey. My promise to you is I will always remember to "Cowgirl Up".....Till the day that I can hold you in my arms again because, I know you're with me always...Love,Mommy
This is a chronicle of the grieving process at the murder of my daughter, Ashleigh Marie Lindsey and her unborn Baby Patience Lynn. They call the parentless child an orphan & the married person who loses their mate a widow/widower but what do they call a parent who loses a child? There is no word given for the parent who have seen this kind of untimely death.
Website by Ashleigh's Patience Project