It amazes me still how you can come across something so little....what you would have thought as stupid if someone else did this but it happens a lot when someone you love dies. Let me explain.........the other day I came across Ashleigh's coffee maker. It only makes a single cup at a time. I bought it for her to have in her college dorm. I was never a coffee drinker till Ashleigh was about sixteen and got me to try her Starbucks coffee. I'm still not much of a coffee drinker... but she would make and experiment with all these different flavors. I so loved those moments with her. Anyway, I found the coffee maker and thought why am I not using this.....she would want me to use this. So, I took it to the kitchen.
Well, a moment ago I decided to go ahead and make a cup of coffee. I pulled out the part with the filter and too my amazement there was very old dried up coffee grounds. I thought....how disgusting! And was kicking myself in the pants for not thinking to check that a year and a half ago. I take the filter to the sink to clean it up. As I'm washing away these old nasty coffee grounds I began to cry. I suddenly realized I'm washing away the last cup of coffee she ever drank. I literally was crying over old coffee grounds like it was something worth cherishing. And it was ripping my heart out to watch them flow down the sink. I thought to myself how stupid is this and what would Ashleigh say.
Little things like this can change the whole outlook of your day when they hit. I miss her so badly. It was not the coffee grounds that meant something. It was her! Those memories of her begging for Starbucks and saying, "here Mom, try this coffee I made this morning." That I can never just wash away down the sink.
I guess it is time to stop crying and go finish what I started and make that cup of coffee. I think I will add some cinnamon because that is how she liked it best.
Well, a moment ago I decided to go ahead and make a cup of coffee. I pulled out the part with the filter and too my amazement there was very old dried up coffee grounds. I thought....how disgusting! And was kicking myself in the pants for not thinking to check that a year and a half ago. I take the filter to the sink to clean it up. As I'm washing away these old nasty coffee grounds I began to cry. I suddenly realized I'm washing away the last cup of coffee she ever drank. I literally was crying over old coffee grounds like it was something worth cherishing. And it was ripping my heart out to watch them flow down the sink. I thought to myself how stupid is this and what would Ashleigh say.
Little things like this can change the whole outlook of your day when they hit. I miss her so badly. It was not the coffee grounds that meant something. It was her! Those memories of her begging for Starbucks and saying, "here Mom, try this coffee I made this morning." That I can never just wash away down the sink.
I guess it is time to stop crying and go finish what I started and make that cup of coffee. I think I will add some cinnamon because that is how she liked it best.
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