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Old Coffee Grounds

3/7/2014

2 Comments

 
Picture
It amazes me still how you can come across something so little....what you would have thought as stupid if someone else did this but it happens a lot when someone you love dies. Let me explain.........the other day I came across Ashleigh's coffee maker. It only makes a single cup at a time. I bought it for her to have in her college dorm. I was never a coffee drinker till Ashleigh was about sixteen and got me to try her Starbucks coffee. I'm still not much of a coffee drinker... but she would make and experiment with all these different flavors. I so loved those moments with her. Anyway, I found the coffee maker and thought why am I not using this.....she would want me to use this. So, I took it to the kitchen.
Well, a moment ago I decided to go ahead and make a cup of coffee. I pulled out the part with the filter and too my amazement there was very old dried up coffee grounds. I thought....how disgusting! And was kicking myself in the pants for not thinking to check that a year and a half ago. I take the filter to the sink to clean it up. As I'm washing away these old nasty coffee grounds I began to cry. I suddenly realized I'm washing away the last cup of coffee she ever drank. I literally was crying over old coffee grounds like it was something worth cherishing. And it was ripping my heart out to watch them flow down the sink. I thought to myself how stupid is this and what would Ashleigh say.
Little things like this can change the whole outlook of your day when they hit. I miss her so badly. It was not the coffee grounds that meant something. It was her! Those memories of her begging for Starbucks and saying, "here Mom, try this coffee I made this morning." That I can never just wash away down the sink.
I guess it is time to stop crying and go finish what I started and make that cup of coffee. I think I will add some cinnamon because that is how she liked it best.

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    Tara Woodlee

    This is a chronicle of the grieving process at the murder of my daughter, Ashleigh Marie Lindsey and her unborn Baby Patience Lynn. They call the parentless child an orphan & the married person who loses their mate a widow/widower but what do they call a parent who loses a child? There is no word given for the parent who have seen this kind of untimely death.

    The murder of a child is even worse and puts you in a very exclusive club (for lack of a better term) and even more exclusive is to have your grandchild murdered as well. It is a STOLEN GENERATION at the hands of the man/father who was suppose to love and protect them.


    I have decided to share this journey so that other parents can see that what they feel is in no way wrong. THERE IS NO WRONG WAY TO GRIEVE! This is my personal journey.

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