I find myself this week daily fighting to not uncontrollably cry or to feel this overwhelming panic every time the phone rings. This week began the daily horror that lead up to Ashleigh's murder. Each day I struggle not to replay that exact day from last year over in my head. And I'm afraid everyday will be like that till July 13th comes. So, today this very moment I've decided to stop fighting my emotions and just let it all out. Everyday between now and July 13th maybe painful to endure and I maybe what people will deem over emotional but at least I will feel. At least I have loved someone worth those feelings and God has never left my side to comfort me. Ashleigh is always with me in my heart. I think letting it out and to just rage and cry made it easier to see how many blessings still surround me and my family.
My daughter Raechel and I had a very emotional hour filled with tears. I was watching one of my favorite shows that Ashleigh got me watching......anyway the ending was so unexpected. A pregnant women got stabbed in the belly and I just lost it. So many memories of Ashleigh washed over me in a second and I just cried. It didn't help that one year ago today Joshua beat her and kicked her in the stomach and then tied her up. It was on my mind all day and I couldn't shake it. Then my phone rang and it was Raechel crying. She had watched the show and it triggered the same thing in her. I felt less crazy by her call. We cried and talked till we laughed about Ashleigh. Funny the things that will trigger the pain in your heart. Thankfully, Raechel and I had each other tonight.
This is a chronicle of the grieving process at the murder of my daughter, Ashleigh Marie Lindsey and her unborn Baby Patience Lynn. They call the parentless child an orphan & the married person who loses their mate a widow/widower but what do they call a parent who loses a child? There is no word given for the parent who have seen this kind of untimely death.
Website by Ashleigh's Patience Project